The Mask of High Achievement
Professional success often disguises invisible wounds. Many women channel their trauma into excellence, consciously or not. Hyper-productivity, perfectionism, and people-pleasing behaviors are common coping mechanisms developed in response to earlier pain. While the workplace may reward these traits, they come at a personal cost.
Studies by the American Psychological Association (APA) show that trauma exposure, even if not recognized or discussed, can lead to high rates of anxiety, burnout, depression, and emotional dysregulation among professional women (APA, 2023). Women who grew up in emotionally unstable homes, who have experienced sexual harassment, racism, or immigrant trauma, often develop resilience that looks like ambition but is actually armor.
Dr. Thema Bryant, a licensed psychologist and past president of the APA, argues that unresolved trauma does not disappear. “What you do not transform, you transmit,” she says. This can manifest as workplace anxiety, difficulty trusting colleagues, or staying silent in meetings where one should speak up.
Trauma Is Not Always a Crisis
While many associate trauma with singular, catastrophic events, trauma can also be chronic and cumulative. Living in a misogynistic or discriminatory environment, being the only woman or person of color in the room, dealing with economic insecurity, or surviving toxic relationships, all create traumatic stress.
Resmaa Menakem, therapist and author of My Grandmother’s Hands, describes how trauma embeds itself in the body as much as the mind. He refers to it as “soul wounds” that cannot be resolved solely through thinking or willpower. According to Menakem, many professional women are in chronic states of fight-or-flight during work hours and then collapse at home in exhaustion.
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Invisible Labor, Emotional Debt
Beyond professional output, many women carry the weight of invisible labor. They regulate team emotions, smooth over tensions, take notes, manage interpersonal conflicts, and remember birthdays. This unpaid emotional labor creates emotional debt. Women in leadership roles, especially, are expected to be nurturing while decisive, composed while compassionate.
A McKinsey & Company and LeanIn.Org report (2023) found that women are twice as likely to spend time on DEI work and employee well-being, but rarely receive recognition for it. The emotional toll of this dual burden is significant and often unspoken.
The Price of Silence
Women often internalize the belief that acknowledging personal pain is a professional liability. This belief is reinforced by workplace cultures that equate vulnerability with weakness. But research suggests the opposite.
According to Harvard Business Review (2022), organizations that prioritize mental health, emotional intelligence, and trauma-informed policies experience increased employee engagement, reduced turnover, and higher productivity. When workplaces acknowledge emotional realities, everyone benefits.
Yet, healing still feels like an afterthought. Women are told to take a yoga class, download a meditation app, or join a wellness challenge. These solutions—while helpful—do not address the deeper issues: unresolved trauma, systemic bias, and chronic emotional suppression.
Healing as a Leadership Skill
Healing is not about escaping work. It is about re-entering it with wholeness. Professional women who commit to therapy, coaching, journaling, or somatic practices begin to build a different relationship with success. They become more grounded, less reactive, and more authentic. Their leadership becomes relational rather than performative.
A trauma-informed leader understands that deadlines, feedback, and organizational change can all be triggering for team members. This awareness helps reduce harm and fosters psychological safety.
According to Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, author of The Body Keeps the Score, healing from trauma allows individuals to regain agency over their lives. He writes, “Being able to feel safe with other people is probably the single most important aspect of mental health.”
Organizational Responsibility
Healing should not fall solely on individuals. Workplaces must evolve from cultures of performance to cultures of support. Trauma-informed organizations:
- Train leaders on mental health and emotional intelligence
- Offer benefits that include therapy, not just gym memberships
- Normalize conversations around mental well-being
- Provide flexible policies that recognize caregiving and burnout
Google’s Project Aristotle showed that psychological safety, more than intelligence or education, was the key trait of high-performing teams. For women, safety includes being able to speak without backlash, to fail without punishment, and to express without fear.
Redefining Strength
Strength is not about powering through pain. It is about knowing when to pause, seek help, and return with greater clarity. Women who heal lead from presence, not pressure. They delegate with trust, not fear. And they build companies where others feel safe to grow.
Healing in high heels means carrying your story, not hiding it. It means walking through grief, rage, and fatigue, while still choosing integrity. It is not always graceful, but it is always real.
Pro Tips: What to Do if You Are a Working Woman with Unresolved Trauma
Healing while leading is not easy, but it is possible. If you recognize yourself in this article, here are actionable steps to begin untangling the connection between trauma and your work life:
Name It Without Shame
The first step is acknowledgment. Trauma does not always come from violence or disaster. Emotional neglect, discrimination, chronic stress, or growing up in a volatile home are also forms of trauma. Naming your experience does not make you weak—it makes you honest.
Start Where You Are
You do not need to take a sabbatical to begin healing. Small, consistent practices such as journaling, daily check-ins, breathwork, or short walks can help regulate your nervous system. These micro-moments of presence matter.
Seek Safe Containers
Therapy is one of the most effective ways to work through trauma. Look for trauma-informed or somatic-based therapists. If therapy is not accessible, group coaching, support circles, or peer communities can also offer safety and growth.
Set Boundaries Without Guilt
High-functioning women often overcommit to prove their worth. Begin saying no without explanation. Set meeting limits, schedule mental health days, and protect your personal time. Boundaries are not barriers; they are bridges to self-respect.
Unlearn Perfectionism
Perfection is often a trauma response rooted in fear of failure or rejection. Replace perfection with progress. Practice showing up as you are, not as who you think others want you to be. Let others see the human, not just the highlight reel.
Advocate for Psychological Safety
If you are in a leadership role, normalize mental health check-ins and model vulnerability. A simple statement like “I have also struggled with burnout” can create permission for others to be real. Healing is contagious when shared responsibly.
Re-Define Productivity
Productivity is not a measure of your healing. Some days, simply showing up is a victory. Rest is not laziness. It is restoration. Your value is not determined by output, but by your presence, wisdom, and lived experience.
Connect to Your Body
Trauma lives in the body. Practices like yoga, dance, tai chi, or even stretching can support emotional release and help rebuild a sense of safety in your own skin. Listen to your body when it whispers, not just when it screams.
Align Your Environment
If your workplace consistently retraumatizes you, it may be time to re-evaluate. No job is worth your health. Seek or build work cultures that support, rather than suppress, emotional well-being.
Know That You Are Not Alone
The more women speak about the hidden costs of success, the less alone we all feel. There is strength in community, in shared truth, and in the decision to heal on your own terms.
References
American Psychological Association. (2023). Workplace mental health and trauma.
Bryant, T. (2022). Homecoming: Overcome fear and trauma to reclaim your whole, authentic self. TarcherPerigee.
Harvard Business Review. (2022). The Business Case for Mental Health.
McKinsey & Company & LeanIn.Org. (2023). Women in the Workplace Report.
Menakem, R. (2017). My Grandmother’s Hands: Racialized trauma and the pathway to mending our hearts and bodies. Central Recovery Press.
van der Kolk, B. (2014). The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, mind, and body in the healing of trauma. Viking.
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