Pinar R.O.Emotions are often sidelined and seen as distractions rather than essential aspects of connection, growth, and success, especially in the fast-paced, results-driven world of work. The pressure to perform, meet deadlines, and maintain professionalism can lead many to suppress or ignore emotions altogether. However, avoiding emotions—whether it’s our own or those of others—comes at a cost. This avoidance doesn’t just impact individual well-being; it ripples into our relationships, team dynamics, and overall workplace culture.
For working women, the stakes are even higher. Women often navigate dual responsibilities, balancing professional expectations with emotional and caregiving roles at home. This unique position requires a deeper understanding of emotional dynamics to thrive. Ignoring emotions not only creates barriers to personal growth but also limits opportunities to build stronger, more authentic connections with colleagues and team members. In truth, understanding and addressing emotions isn’t just a nice-to-have skill—it’s a critical component of thriving in today’s workplace, especially for women striving to lead and succeed.
Let’s talk about why emotional awareness matters, the dangers of emotional avoidance, and how embracing your and others’ feelings can transform not only your personal growth but also your professional relationships and leadership abilities.
The Science of Emotional Avoidance
When people avoid emotions, it’s often a defense mechanism rooted in past trauma or discomfort with vulnerability. John Bowlby’s Attachment Theory explains that individuals with avoidant attachment styles tend to suppress emotions to protect themselves from perceived threats. Psychologist Carl Jung described this as the “shadow self,” where unacknowledged feelings remain hidden but influence our behavior.
In workplaces, emotional avoidance can show up in many ways, including:
Dismissing difficult conversations or feedback.
Shutting down opportunities for honest dialogue to avoid discomfort.
Avoiding vulnerable or authentic discussions with colleagues.
Preferring surface-level interactions over meaningful connections.
Controlling team dynamics to maintain a sense of order and safety.
Micromanaging or over-structuring to prevent emotions from surfacing.
Lack of empathy toward team members.
Struggling to understand or acknowledge others’ feelings leads to disconnection and resentment.
Deflecting or minimizing others’ emotions.
Downplaying concerns, frustrations, or successes to avoid engaging on an emotional level.
Withholding support or validation.
Failing to provide encouragement or recognition can demotivate and alienate team members.
Avoiding conflict at all costs.
Refusing to address disagreements or tension allows problems to fester and grow.
Overemphasizing logic or productivity over people.
Prioritizing results while neglecting the emotional needs of the team.
Isolating oneself from team dynamics.
Keeping an emotional distance or remaining aloof to avoid engaging in deeper interpersonal connections.
These behaviors not only hinder team collaboration and trust but also signal unresolved emotional challenges in the individual. Awareness of these patterns is the first step toward fostering a more emotionally intelligent and connected workplace.
But suppressing emotions comes with a cost. According to Brené Brown, “You can’t numb the bad without numbing the good.” Those who avoid their feelings cut themselves off from meaningful connections, stifling creativity, trust, and collaboration—core components of successful teams.
Why Emotional Awareness Heals and Helps Us Grow
Being aware of our emotions isn’t just a personal journey—it’s a professional strength. Emotional awareness allows us to recognize, understand, and process feelings, which fosters resilience and authentic connections. When we embrace our emotions, we grow into better versions of ourselves.
For those in leadership positions, this growth is especially vital. As a leader, your ability to understand your team members’ emotions directly impacts your relationships, communication, and overall team performance. Leadership isn’t just about strategy; it’s about empathy.
If you’re leading teams, ask yourself:
- Are you creating a safe space where your team feels heard and understood?
- Are you avoiding their emotions because you’re uncomfortable with your own?
- Do you regularly validate and acknowledge the emotions of your team members?
- Are you fostering an environment where open and honest communication is encouraged?
- How do you respond when a team member expresses vulnerability?
- Are you addressing conflicts directly, or are you avoiding them to maintain the status quo?
- Do you prioritize productivity over people’s emotional well-being?
- Are you actively listening to your team, or are you dismissing their concerns too quickly?
- How do you handle feedback—both giving it and receiving it?
- Are you modeling emotional awareness and empathy in your own behavior?
- Do you create opportunities for team members to connect on a deeper level beyond just tasks and deadlines?
- Are you providing support for your team’s personal and professional challenges, or do you distance yourself from those issues?
- Do you recognize and address emotional exhaustion or burnout within your team?
- Are you willing to reflect on your leadership style and make changes if it’s not fostering healthy team dynamics?
- Are your team members comfortable approaching you with emotional or professional challenges?
These questions can help you identify areas where you may need to grow as a leader and create a more emotionally intelligent, connected, and productive team.
Avoidance may be a sign of deeper issues within yourself. Instead of looking outward for solutions, reflect inward. This level of self-awareness is the key to creating healthier relationships and fostering open communication in the workplace.
For Leaders: Why This Matters
If you’re leading a team, this section is for you. Emotional awareness is one of the most critical skills for effective leadership. When you are in tune with your emotions, you’re better equipped to understand and support your team. Here’s why this matters:
Building Trust and Respect
When you acknowledge and validate emotions—yours and others’—you create an environment where trust thrives. Teams that feel understood are more likely to perform better and stay motivated.
Creating Healthy Relationships
Healthy relationships at work are built on mutual understanding. Recognizing emotions fosters stronger connections, reduces conflicts, and encourages collaboration.
Effective Communication
As an executive or leader, your ability to communicate is critical. By being emotionally aware, you can convey your thoughts and decisions with empathy and clarity, ensuring your team feels valued and aligned.
If you find yourself avoiding your team’s emotions, ask yourself: What am I avoiding in myself? Often, our discomfort with others’ feelings reflects our own unresolved emotions. As Brené Brown highlights, vulnerability is the birthplace of courage, connection, and authenticity.
Strategies for Healing and Growth
Whether you’re in a leadership role or navigating emotional dynamics with colleagues, here’s how to embrace emotional awareness and foster growth:
Self-Reflection
Take time to reflect on your emotions. Journaling, therapy, or mindfulness practices can help you identify and process feelings you may have been avoiding.
Practice Vulnerability
Being open about your emotions doesn’t make you weak—it makes you relatable. Share your challenges and listen to others’ experiences to build deeper connections.
Lead by Example
Model emotional awareness in the workplace. Acknowledge your team members’ feelings during meetings, provide empathetic feedback, and create opportunities for honest discussions.
Encourage Emotional Intelligence Training
Suggest workshops or resources that focus on emotional intelligence (EQ). These skills are transformative for both leaders and team members.
Ask the Right Questions
When emotions arise, ask yourself and others: What am I feeling? Why am I feeling this? What can I learn from this emotion? This practice encourages growth and self-awareness.
A Call to Action
Suppressing emotions might seem easier in the short term, but it creates barriers to connection, growth, and success in the long term. Emotional awareness isn’t just about improving relationships—it’s about healing and evolving as individuals.
For working women, especially those in leadership roles, embracing emotions is a powerful tool for creating meaningful impact in the workplace. As Carl Rogers emphasized, “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.”
We should believe in empowering women to lead with empathy, courage, and authenticity. When we embrace our emotions, we unlock the potential to build healthier relationships, foster better communication, and create thriving teams.
Reflection for Leaders: Growth Starts with You
So, if you’re leading a team, take a moment to reflect: Are you honoring your emotions? Are you creating space for others to do the same? Growth begins with awareness, and awareness begins with you.
When leaders avoid emotions—whether their own or others’—it often points to deeper unresolved challenges. Ignoring these feelings not only limits your ability to connect authentically with your team but also stunts your personal growth.
Avoiding the emotions of your team is a signal that you may also be avoiding your own. Psychologists like Carl Rogers and John Bowlby have shown us that emotional avoidance can stem from trauma, attachment challenges, or a lack of self-compassion. Suppressing emotions doesn’t make them disappear; instead, they linger in the shadow, as Carl Jung described, leaking out in ways that might harm your relationships or leadership style.
As a leader, if you find yourself dismissing your team’s emotions, ask: Am I truly listening to my own? This could be a sign of unresolved trauma or past hurt that requires your attention. Leaders who engage in self-reflection and healing not only grow personally but also transform their ability to guide, inspire, and connect with their teams. Addressing your emotional health is a courageous step that benefits not just you but also everyone around you.
Notes for Reflection
// People who suppress their own feelings often struggle to honor others’ emotions. This isn’t about you—it’s their trauma response. Healing starts by setting boundaries and understanding where the behavior comes from.
// Psychologist Carl Rogers emphasized the importance of unconditional positive regard. People who avoid feelings lack this for themselves, making it hard to offer it to others. Self-compassion is key to breaking the cycle.
// According to attachment theory (Bowlby), those with avoidant attachment often suppress emotions. If they can’t connect with their own feelings, they struggle to connect with yours. Understanding this helps us show empathy without losing ourselves.
// Suppressing emotions doesn’t erase them—it redirects them. Jung called this the “shadow self.” When people avoid their feelings, their unresolved pain might leak out in controlling others. Awareness and therapy help integrate the shadow.
// Trauma responses like emotional avoidance are protective mechanisms. But Brené Brown reminds us: “You can’t numb the bad without numbing the good.” Healing requires vulnerability and courage to face our emotions.
References
Rogers, C. R. (1961). On becoming a person: A therapist’s view of psychotherapy. Houghton Mifflin Harcourt.
Bowlby, J. (1982). Attachment and loss: Vol. 1. Attachment. Basic Books. (Original work published 1969)
Jung, C. G. (1959). Aion: Researches into the phenomenology of the self. Princeton University Press.
Brown, B. (2012). Daring greatly: How the courage to be vulnerable transforms the way we live, love, parent, and lead. Gotham Books.
