NEW YORK — In what witnesses describe as “a stunning display of mediocrity being celebrated,” local male employee Todd Thompson received widespread acclaim and a potential promotion Tuesday for successfully completing a basic task that was literally in his job description.
Thompson, who has been employed as a senior analyst for three years, managed to submit a quarterly report by the deadline and in the correct folder. This achievement has been hailed as “groundbreaking” and “leadership material” by upper management.
“He just… did his job,” said baffled colleague Sarah Morin, who automated the entire reporting process last year while also managing three additional departments. “Like, the bare minimum. And everyone’s acting like he discovered a new element.”
The celebration included:
✿ Thank you for reading!
Subscribe to be our bestie, no spam—just good vibes once a month.
– A company-wide email praising his “initiative”
– Three separate LinkedIn posts about his “innovative approach to excellence.”
– A special mention in the leadership meeting.
– Five different male colleagues taking credit for mentoring him.
– A desk plant with a “Way to Go!” balloon.
“I just followed the template that Jennifer created last year,” said Thompson, already being considered for a director position. “Actually, I forgot half the appendices and submitted it in Comic Sans, but everyone keeps calling it ‘fresh thinking.'”
Sources confirm that Thompson’s achievement follows other revolutionary acts such as “remembering to mute himself on Zoom” and “occasionally refilling the coffee maker,” each of which has been added to his “leadership qualities” list.
At press time, Thompson was seen being praised for “work-life balance” after leaving at 5 PM, while female colleague Lisa Cruise was being questioned about her “commitment to the role” for doing the same.
This article pairs well with a mediocre beer that everyone calls craft, and that promotion your overqualified female colleague just got passed over for.
Thanks to our reader, a 34-year-old Communication Manager from New York, for sharing her story with us, which inspired this article. Names have been made up for privacy.
✱ If you liked this article, please share it with a friend who could use inspiration.
If you have a topic in mind or a story to share anonymously or with your name, email us at [email protected]
