CHICAGO – Local marketing manager Sarah Chen has mastered the elusive work-life balance by eliminating the “life” part entirely, sources confirmed Friday.
“I’ve really cracked the code,” said Chen from her kitchen table/standing desk/dining room/conference room while baking cookies. “When you’re always online, you never have to worry about when to be online.”
She demonstrated her technique by simultaneously attending a Zoom meeting, preparing dinner, and sending emails from her phone while brushing her teeth.
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The breakthrough came after Chen realized she could achieve inbox zero by never actually stopping work. “It’s so efficient,” she explained while updating a PowerPoint during her cousin’s wedding. “I used to waste time wondering if I should be working. Now, I just assume the answer is yes.”
Her innovative approach has garnered attention from workplace efficiency experts and concerned mental health professionals alike. “It’s revolutionary,” said productivity consultant Mark Thompson, who had to schedule an interview between Chen’s 2 AM strategy session and her 3 AM “quick sync.”
Chen’s manager praised her dedication while announcing a new “right to disconnect” policy in an email sent at 11:30 PM on a Saturday. “Sarah really embodies our company’s value of ‘passionate commitment,’“ the manager wrote, adding a reminder about Tuesday’s 6 AM wellness seminar on work-life boundaries.
At that time, Chen was seen online responding to Slack messages about time management during her own performance review.
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