Have you ever walked out of a meeting, interview, or even a casual coffee chat with a colleague and thought, something just didn’t sit right? Everyone said the right things, yet you felt uneasy, confused, or even dismissed. That experience is more common than most admit, and it has a name. Albert Mehrabian, a psychology professor at UCLA, developed a model that helps explain this phenomenon: the 7-38-55 Communication Model. It is a simple breakdown of how we communicate feelings and attitudes, and it may change how you think about every conversation you have.
According to Mehrabian’s research (1981), only 7% of a message’s emotional meaning comes from the actual words we use. A significantly larger share—38%—comes from our tone of voice: how we say the words, the pauses, the pace, the pitch. But the majority—55%—is delivered through body language. This includes posture, facial expressions, gestures, and eye contact. So when someone says, “I’m fine,” but avoids your gaze, crosses their arms, or sighs heavily, chances are you believe their body language more than their words, and research supports that instinct.
Beyond Words: Why This Model Still Matters
While the 7-38-55 model has sparked debate over its application in all settings, Mehrabian himself clarified that it is only relevant when feelings and attitudes are being conveyed, when emotional nuance matters (Mehrabian, 1981). In technical or factual discussions, verbal content takes on a much larger role. But when the message is personal, interpersonal, or emotionally charged—think workplace conflict, performance reviews, leadership presence, or negotiations—this model becomes highly relevant.
And this is where it becomes especially important for women at work.
Women often find themselves in roles where emotional intelligence is not just a bonus, it is a survival tool. Navigating male-dominated industries or complex leadership environments often means reading the room, sensing shifts in tone, interpreting silence, and managing non-verbal signals. In many cases, women are expected to decode and adapt to what is unsaid more than what is said. Understanding the full spectrum of communication—the unspoken majority—is not just helpful. It is essential.
✿ Thank you for reading!
Subscribe to be our bestie, no spam—just good vibes once a month.
What This Looks Like in Real Work Life
Imagine a manager giving a team member “positive” feedback, but delivering it in a monotone voice, while checking their phone and avoiding eye contact. The words may say “great job,” but the body and tone suggest disinterest or even irritation. Now imagine that same message delivered with a smile, relaxed posture, and engaged eye contact. The emotional impact shifts entirely.
This happens every day in offices, meetings, boardrooms, Zoom calls, and even job interviews. A qualified woman may be overlooked not because of what she said, but because her confidence was not felt. A manager may think they communicated clearly, while their team walks away confused or unmotivated. A leader may say they are “open to feedback,” while their body tenses every time someone speaks.
The takeaway is clear: words matter, but they are not enough.
Lessons for Leaders, Teams, and Women Building Careers
Communicate With Alignment
When your words, tone, and body language match, people perceive you as authentic and credible. When they are misaligned, people trust the nonverbal signals more than the verbal ones (Guerrero, Floyd & Burgoon, 2016). If you say, “I’m confident,” but shrink your posture and speak hesitantly, people will believe what they see and hear, not just what they read.
Learn to Listen Differently
Good communication is not just about talking—it is about listening. But listening does not mean sitting quietly while someone speaks. It means paying attention to how they speak, how they move, and how their energy shifts. Ask yourself: Are they withdrawing? Are they tense? Are they hesitant? Emotional intelligence starts with awareness.
Recognize Cultural Nuance
Tone and body language are not universal. A firm handshake, direct eye contact, or enthusiastic tone may be seen as assertive in one culture and rude in another. For women working in multicultural environments or global teams, this awareness can prevent missteps and foster deeper trust.
Use Your Whole Voice
Your voice is a powerful tool. Play with your pace, tone, and volume when presenting or leading. A steady, clear voice conveys calm authority. A fast-paced, high-pitched delivery can suggest anxiety—even when your content is strong. Be mindful of what your voice is saying when your words are not.
Practice Presence
Presence is not about being loud or charismatic. It is about showing up fully. It means turning off distractions, making eye contact, leaning in, and using gestures that signal openness and engagement. It builds connections faster than any résumé ever could.
A Personal Story Behind the Theory
Some of you know that I broke my ankle this past January—ironically, on Inauguration Day, I will never forget that date. I had two heavy fractures and was completely off my feet for weeks. Only recently, after four months, have I been able to walk and drive again, slowly and with care. Recovery has not been easy. I am still in physical therapy, working each week to rebuild strength.
During one of my recent PT sessions with Jeff Bedson, MSPT, CERT MDT at Hartford HealthCare, our conversation drifted into something beyond physical healing. Jeff, like many thoughtful professionals, is someone who is deeply curious about human behavior. We started talking about how people communicate pain—physically, yes, but also emotionally. That is when he brought up Mehrabian’s theory. It resonated immediately. I found myself thinking not just about injured bodies, but about how so many people carry invisible emotional pain, saying “I’m okay,” while everything else in their tone and body says otherwise. That conversation was the seed for this article. Thank you, Jeff, for sparking the reflection.
For Women Navigating Work and Power
Whether you are managing a team, launching a business, pitching investors, leading a classroom, or simply showing up to survive another day in a space that was not built for you, Mehrabian’s model reminds us to trust more than words. Watch the tone. Feel the energy. Listen with your full self. Because power does not always speak—it often signals.
For women in particular, the 7-38-55 rule is a powerful reminder that your voice is more than the words you speak. It includes your presence, your posture, your rhythm, and your breath. It is everything you bring into the room—even in silence.
Let us teach our daughters, mentees, and younger selves that speaking well means more than just articulating thoughts. It means aligning message and meaning, inner confidence and outer signal. That is communication. And that is leadership.
References
Mehrabian, A. (1981). Silent Messages: Implicit Communication of Emotions and Attitudes. Belmont, CA: Wadsworth.
Guerrero, L. K., Floyd, K., & Burgoon, J. K. (2016). Nonverbal Communication. Routledge.
✱ If you liked this article, please share it with a friend who could use inspiration.
If you have a topic in mind or a story to share anonymously or with your name, email us at team@she.work
